Playing Catch Up from Xanga, Originally dated Nov. 5th 2009

"In some respects i suspect you've got a respectable side"

 

Its hard to write in the morning or afternoon.... i seem to have the most passion for emptying my head at night. When i first started blogging i lived at my parents, my computer was beside by bed, and i could dump my thoughts anytime of the night. Now, when im laying in bed and my mind is free to wonder, conjure up opinions, and sound somewhat interesting... i have Bili beside me to listen and give feedback. Im instantly satisfied, and nothing makes it out into the blogisphere.

 

 But, I did miss putting my thoughts out into the universe, i missed the random strangers coming along and agreeing, adding, shouting, or creeping.  And of course my friends.

 

 So, most recently Ive been on a quest to eliminate stress from my life. I know we all are given what we can handle, and its not always easy. But i also believe we take on just a little more then we can chew sometimes.

 

While on vacation i was removed from my every day life and it felt AWESOME! Thats what vacations are for, and i soaked it up. Bili and i took some time to disect what it is that was making us so joyful, and relaxed...and how do we bring that home? I pinpointed a few stresses that set me over the edge that arent necessarily my "problem". Before we left i felt like i was drained. I had no more happy to dish out, and if one more person gave me their negative energy i would explode. But now that im back i feel so much better! The vacation was healing, and im making better decisions on a day to day basis.

 

But since daylight savings, ive been all whacked out. I gave myself a pep talk about the winter awhile back, ive picked lots of projects and hangouts to pass the time, but im still feeling depressed against my will. Its strange, ill have a full happy wonderful day, settle in about 6 or 7 pm, and by 9 i feel like useless crap. It sneaks up on me and before i know it... im a debbie downer.

 

I have a theory, i think its the closed windows and the darkness. Im a happy colorful child of the light, and when half your day is black... you feel black. I also love listening to the neighborhood, smelling the fresh green outdoors, and feeling a breeze drift through my home. My house has become a coffin for the next 6-7 months.

 

Well i am taking vitamin D each day, and want to go tanning 10 minutes a week, excercising and eating better... and hopefully my body was just shocked by the sudden change and i will adapt quickly.

 

i could never live in alaska. That would be my own personal hell. And i would prolly turn into an emo cutter.

 

Okay Current Kribbs News... my 5 year old Civic has rust on its butt. That sucks. Honda turned me down to fix it after waranty, so i need to find a place who will fix it cheap!

 

I may be going to Limited Brands Christmas party again this year with Stump Farm. It was fun last year being the farm kids handling stinky furries, while these beautiful perfect foreign families walk around. I sure felt like "the help" but i liked it!

 

We are trying to help our room mate of one year find his own apartment. I want to finish drylocking and cleaning the basement but i cant cause he has a ton of stuff down there. So as much as i love him, its time for my nest to be empty again! lol

 

OH! We totally have a ski tripped planned in december. I personally dont like the snow... i may go tubing, but i mostly want to curl up by the fire with a book, hot cocoa (and jack!) and have a nice quiet day! We are going with 4-5 other friends so its gonna be a fun couple of days! I even bought a snazzy new jacket (from the 1970's) to wear and look cute while NOT skiing lol

 

"When pushed and pulled and pressured you seldom run and hide"